Second to my Previous

Hope you’re doing well! Don’t worry about me~

2016-07 -4:

Happy 4th of July guys! Sorry I couldn’t be there to watch the fireworks with you guys. I’m still at reception sadly, so I haven’t really done any physical activity other than marching. Fort Sill is okay I guess, Oklahoma is really hot and humid though. My feet are starting to blister from breaking in my new boots and walking/standing around so much. I presume you got my last letter already, so sorry if it worried you guys; I was just feeling a little isolated, it’s not that bad. So much is happening that I haven’t been able to know, so I feel a little out of the loop. I’m not sure when this is going to get to you, but I might have started basic training finally.

I’m supposed to leave reception this Thursday (two weeks ago), but luck was not on my side so I’ve been stuck here for another week (last Thursday). When I get to basic I’ll be able to get an actual address, so you can write letters/ send some stuff maybe. O hope you’re doing well. A lot can happen in 2 weeks. Things around here have been both uneventful and eventful. I haven’t done much since I finished all my tests and paper work. I have all my uniforms and stuff too, but I still my my hair. Again, sorry about my last letter, I probably made you worry; it’s not that bad, I promise. I’m trying to become a better person. Most of the people from last week left, so I’ve said my goodbyes to them last Thursday (two weeks ago) and I have a new group of people again. Most of the people are pretty loud and quite frankly borderline obnoxious. I’ve only wanted to stab a few people with my pen while I’m writing. I miss some of the people from last week (two weeks ago) and some people this week are okay I guess.

Okay, so it’s like 30 minutes to and hour later now because I just got in trouble for everyone else being dumb even though I told them explicitly what NOT to do. Technically it’s lights out right now but whatever. Everyone was supposed to change from our T-shirts to our uniform then back to our T-shirts and shorts but.. I wasn’t having any of that. So guess who hid in the laundry room until he was out of sight? Yup, me. We got yelled at for a while about everything but I think he had to leave because he couldn’t keep us up past lights out. Some people have done some stupid shit out of my barracks thought, such as: dragging one’s balls across some guy’s stuff and getting hit in the face, which made everyone in reception get in trouble by bothering a drill sergeant unnecessarily.. via 5 push-ups and running to our bay and back every 10 minutes for 2 hours, doing prison tats with pen and needle or whatever, idk how it works, and getting lectured on infections, and lastly for drinking an entire bottle of hand sanitizer and almost dying.

Yup, I’m surrounded by fucking morons. Anyways I’ll call if I ever have the chance. Basic training is like 9 weeks long, and I’m not sure how often I can make phone calls but I’ll make sure to send letters out every once in a while if I can’t call. I hope your lives have been as.. “interesting” as mine and you need to tell me about anything I’ve missed since as soon as you get the chance alright? Basic training is going to be tough for me, but I’ll do my best to make it through it and become a stronger person. I love you and I’ll talk to you soon™.                         Love, James

Two Weeks Late

Please share with all of my friends, thanks. It would be nice knowing that my friends are with me reading this in spirit~ 

Hey guys, I’m writing this because I’m sad. I started crying because I’m worried about all of you. I used to be the only one home since my brothers left and dads at work, so my mom is probably lonely too. I miss being able tot talk to you guys daily and see how you were doing. It hasn’t been long but I always worry, one of my flaws, I worry too much. But as I wipe my tears away, I wonder if while I’m gone you guys, my friends, will need me. If you needed someone to talk to and I wasn’t there, I would feel terrible. I wish I could have been closer to you and give you a hug. Speaking of hugs, I really wish I was close with someone here wit ha shoulder to lean on. An’d I’m in the same position, I worried about it. How stupid of me. I wish I had someone to talk to and say, ” Are you okay?” or ,” How are you doing?” Maybe because, in my entire life that’s all I ever wanted. So much of my life has been overshadowed by silence and sadness because I had no one  to talk to. And I’m back home again. And I’m worried __ happen to you too. I care too much about you to have let that happen, but I can’t be there right now. You don’t know how much better you life becomes with a simple game, talking about life or sharing dumb pictures in the middle of the night until you don’t have them. I really miss all of you, I’ll come back and make you guys proud, so stay strong with me. You guys aren’t here physically but we’ll get through this together! I love you.                                   ~James

I wrote this on the June 25th and sending this on the June 29th. The initial wave of worry is gone but I’ll always be worried about all of you.. and myself. I might go to basic training from reception next week. I’ll talk to you when I can. I love all of you.

 

Past Phone Call

Sorry its been so long, the want to write is there but the actual ability to do it is beyond me. I apologize to my club for never presenting anything, this is what held me up:

I was the nice one

I made choices that weren’t exactly done

So I was called that day

Hypnotized by a rattlesnake’s sway, finding my mind at bay, while my heart slowly sank away

Soothing yet confusing, the phone I hear ringing

I picked up the phone and I heard her breathing

So slow and calm like nothing was wrong

But it was wrong

It couldn’t be have been right

I couldn’t think so I ran away

“Why me.. why now?”

I regret and forgot, I let myself down

I believed she was gone

Someone for so long

But she was still there

And I.. was not

So I hung up.

 

Back in Time

Back in junior year during high school, I took a creative writing course to improve my hobby of writing as well as meet people who also strive for something meaningful in that class or for themselves. I remember writing a post in the middle of the night about a book I was completely absorbed in and couldn’t bring myself to sleep from how much excitement the book brought me. I remember the feelings I had at the time I was reading and when I was writing. My body was shaking from the pressure I put on myself to write a post that completely described the thrill I was going through. It’s strange how fictional books or anything unrealistic can bring so many emotions and thought out of a person, even when they understand that it isn’t real. I haven’t been posting on here for so long because whenever I got an idea, I told myself (mentally) that the post was a good idea but I wouldn’t be able to write it as well as I did with my other posts.. Basically that I could not reach my own standards. But now that the ideas are flowing and flooding my head, I must tell something. Something that these books, these views, these perspectives have done to me. I was just reading a thrilling and emotionally-intense book called Joyland  by a well-known author by the name of Stephen King. I’m only 16 pages into the book and a single line in the first paragraph has stopped me from reading just to write this. Devin Jones, in the voice of Stephen King, says,” I’m not sure anybody gets over their first love, and that still rankles.” This could be a theme right here. Something that could be applied to everyone but may not necessarily be true. I just needed to be able to relate to this because the person I first loved changed how I saw myself and helped me understand how much I can do for others. Lingering feelings that never went away. Distant memories that seem to be fading but stay close but hidden. A single characteristic that flashes me back to what it was first like to see it. I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. I just wanted to share myself a little bit since it’s been such a long time. Thanks to one of my favorite authors and a constant inspiration from the people and books around me, I plan to keep sharing myself on here. And a thanks to not only my first love but every person who has associated themselves with me, for I believe that every encounter has added a new part to myself. Finally, thank you to my freshman year language arts teacher for always challenging me and encouraging me to try my best and look past what I want. I should have dedicated my book to him.

There doesn’t have to be a specific day to be thankful

That title was long and sums up anything that I was going to write in the body of this post. I am so fortunate to be where I am today with the life I was born into and the people and things that I have in my life. My thanks would be going no where if it was not for a purpose. The people that are helping me grow and move forward in life will hopefully see and feel my thankfulness in the future as I spend the rest of my soul and spirit with them to the end of this school year. I want to thank my closest and best friend for always being there for me and taking care of me even if I’ve treated him poorly in the past and even now. I hope to show him how thankful I am to him as much as I can this year.

All at Once

I can’t handle life as it spins in all directions away from me. I continuously sleep to hide from it. The same dream finds me inside. I cried, what a bad poem. Even if I can’t run or hide, there’s a Thorn on my mind. I’ve become homesick, even though I’m home.

                                                                                              Five drafts that couldn’t be explained in writing and left to decay in the drafts section of the site.